J.L.A. Turns Water into Wine

It was all miracles and sunshine at the wedding event of the century between Jesus League of America’s Superman and Lois Lane. The couple were married October 6, 1996 at the Metropolis Lutheran Church.

Lois’ sisters Lucy was maid of honor. Superman was attended by his best friend Jimmy Olsen and Batman was his best man. Rev. William Stryker, present due to a fluke in the universe continuum, officiated the wedding.

Despite the enthusiasm of all present, the event nearly ended prematurely when Ma Kent realized the reception was running low on spirits. She is quoted as telling Jesús Flash, “They have no more wine.” As a result, the “flashpoint” paradox happened transporting three vats of wine to the event.

Superman said, “This wine is the best I’ve ever had. I think I shall become a drunkard and give up saving lives.” The bride was not happy with this news and announced her divorce from the Man of Many Steel Miracles.

The couple will no longer be honeymooning in Hawaii. Instead, they will be returning directly to work at the Daily Planet, where they plan to reside until Superman is cured by his Alcoholics Anonymous group. Aforementioned group is funded in part by the Jesus League of America.